Anger and Frustrations
Posted on Tue Feb 6th, 2024 @ 8:31pm by
Edited on Wed Feb 7th, 2024 @ 6:52am
0 words; about a 1 minute read
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Personal Log of Lily Marlow
This is my first log entry being on the USS Moore. I should have started one a few days ago however, I am still processing as to my being back on a ship, and getting to know the crew. Right now though I am trying to process what happened on the planet, it brought back unpleasant memories. However what happened on the planet makes the loss of my friend pale in comparison. No-one can truly be prepared at the wanton destruction of life that took place. Koaruh had to bring me out of my panicked state, of which I am glad that he did. Just all the loss of lives, the cries of grief, pain and panic, the scent of burnt flesh, it just brought forth another emotional state of which I needed to stifle. And that is sheer pure anger. I had to hold it in, had to focus on helping those there. I even had to shut off my concern about the crewmates that were there on planetside, focusing on people that were close at hand. Those that needed me and others of the triage teams, to help take care of their wounds.
Right now I am so angry I want to hit something, and break it. I wish I knew how to throw a punch, one that causes damage, right now, I'd be working on a heavy bag. I don't have the training to do that properly. Maybe I just need to make a wreck it room on the holodeck and use a hammer, or a baseball bat and break things. I want to scream out my frustrations. I think that is what I will do, make a wreck it room, I just need to vent this head of steam that is rising in me. If I don't I won't be able to stay in a calming manner that I need to do when treating people's injuries and even do the massage therapy.
Sure I can do meditation to center myself, but at times I just need to do something rather physical and that doesn't mean sex is the answer. At times there needs a little bit of energy expended in another way. Sure sex would be great, but just a moment of sheer chaos through the act of destroying something, something that is inanimate, not a person, not a building. I think of causing pain to someone, lashing out wanting to lash out at the ones who decided to bomb the celebration. It just also makes me cringe. I would have to face being the one to fix the person, and see the accusing gaze and distrust, as I was the one that caused the pain. Argh I feel like a mess, yup I am going to go do the wreck it room. Its the only thing I can think of doing right now, besides sex and drinking. Once I get that wreck it room done, I'll see about how the others are doing, in the aftermath. This is Lily Marlow signing off for now.
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